i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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