sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
