Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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