i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Randomize
