Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
