There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
