Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
