I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
