dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
