I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
