Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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