I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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