i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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