I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
