I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
