It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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