dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
