he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
