he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
This house was built for laser tag.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
