i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
