is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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