Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
