You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize