Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
