Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
