I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
