He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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