just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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