They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
