you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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