why didn't you poke me back
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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