I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
