Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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