The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
