i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
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