I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
