everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
