hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
