I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
