I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
