I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
