i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
