last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
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You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
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He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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