There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
