We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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