I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
