wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
