we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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