Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
