Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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