I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
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You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved