How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire