People in love make me want to vomit
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love