I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you had me at cake vodka
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess