Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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