so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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