i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just gargled with NyQuil
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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