People in love make me want to vomit
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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