Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
