It's like a parade of train wrecks.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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