if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
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