When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
