i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
