Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This is the high leading the old right now
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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