I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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