me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
