Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she pinky promised me she was 18
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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