Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
