Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
