MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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