Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
