yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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