We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
