I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This baby is an asshole
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
