let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
