I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
