i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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