I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
